I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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