Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
