Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
