your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
