There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
