I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I party with great urgency now.
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