Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
