I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
