I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
