I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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