I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
