I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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