i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
