I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
