What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No subtext here. People are naked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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