shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i will never coherently bang her
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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