Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
