If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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