I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
