I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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