At least make sure they are 18
Why
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
