i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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