You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
