i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
