This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
