There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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