apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
