you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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