Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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