Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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