i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
