I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
