you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My balls are so social today.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
