I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
