I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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