I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
