No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
