Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
