there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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