I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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