Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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