yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
