I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize