3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And then he peed in my hair
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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