My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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