operation have a gay friend backfired
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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