i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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