I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
