We're facebook friends in real life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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