the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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