I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
