It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize