my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
