so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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