How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
