don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
