we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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