You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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