textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
