is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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