All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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