shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
