found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
