that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
