we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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