Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
