If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
