So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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