I hope mine doesn't look like that
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize