Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
